In bold gold glittery lettering The Sun splashes news of a £60M mega deal Chelsea are preparing for Edinson Cavani and Oscar. The Napoli striker is 5/2 to end up in Roman Abramovich's shopping bag before the end of August. Shopaholics Manchester City are 5/1 to bag the Uruguayan who will soon be enjoying London's traffic jams as part of his country's olympic squad.

Meanwhile, not much has changed in the summer's sagas, Newcastle are 4/5 to sign Andy Carroll which has been given the curse of Alan Shearer's blessing - our advice is for Pardew to steer clear of any advice from the 'insightful' MOTD 'pundit'.

Man City are evens to sign RVP. The online club catalogue is now denying the existence of the Dutchman, similar to this online gamer.

Luka Modric is 2/7 to join Real Madrid having been 1/6 last week. Although, the Daily Mail is reporting that the 'deal is almost Real' in a show of elite wordsmanship. Madrid's President Florentino Perez has reportedly told friends he is 'supremely confident' of snaring little Luka.

Rafael van der Vaart, however, now looks set to stay at White Hart Lane having been backed from odds against to 2/5 not to leave.

Finally, Emile Heskey has been practicing his circus tricks in preparation for the new one man show he is set to perform in Hull's forward line. Hull are 2/5 to offer the forgotten hero a home.