Six Types of Melbourne Cup Punters
6 classic Melbourne Cup betting types. Which one are you?
The Oracle is the most interesting of the Melbourne Cup punters. The Oracle is the friend or family member who for 364 days of the year doesn’t know about, care about, or even think about horse racing. However, The Oracle’s Melbourne Cup strike rate is impeccable, usually sitting around 50-75%. The Oracle always seems to have a lot more friends and family members come over for a ‘coffee’ or a ‘catchup’ around late October – it’s no coincidence! Scientists have been trying to break the code of the Oracle for decades without any success. The most common type of Oracle appears to be the mother of the large ethnic household, usually named Theresa or Maria. They’re backbones to their family every day of the year, but also double as prophets come the big race!
The Animal Rights Preacher
You can’t miss this lot. They make their presence felt strongly on social media channels on Cup Day. Usually posting some wickedly overblown stats about horse racing injuries/deaths. They tend to accompany the stats with a righteous message about why everyone should abstain from a punt on Cup Day. Once the post is made, they head down to their local Pokies precinct to get their gambling fix on ‘Five Dragons’, monitoring the ‘likes’ on their animal rights post in-between spins.
Protesters chanting "horse racing kills" meet the parade at Fed Square. pic.twitter.com/Cetw0nmNGW— Calla Wahlquist (@callapilla) October 31, 2016
Captain Formguide has watched the last 5 races of each horse running in the Cup and compared the statistics of an empirical underlay including previous winners and overall historical returns. Basically, they’re full of shit. Usually ends up with a horse in the middle of the pack and an excuse like “mate, if my pony wasn’t boxed in it would’ve surely been the winner!”.
The True Blue Punter
This individual will rely on key aspects of the race to help them make their decision. Aspects that are considered include: • The colour of the horse
• How funny the horses name is
• The colours on the jockey’s silks Somehow the True Blue Punter actually jags a winner every few years, which disappoints most individuals, especially Captain Formguide, due to the lack of thought and skill that went into the decision making process.
Noticed the extravagant purchases of this lot over the past 12 months? It’s because 90% backed Prince of Penzance last year – they are deadest loaded. Make no mistake, at least 90% of them will be backing Assign this year (Kate Mallyone is jockey). You can spot this type of punter from a mile away with cries of “We girls have to stick together” or “Girl power” or more recently “You go girl!”.
Mr. Spray and Pray
This punter usually comes in the form of a male tradie or a CEO. They go to their local TAB in the morning, pick their favourite 6-10 horses and just throw their money at them. This process takes place in the span of about 10 minutes. The first 5 are usually spent on the pre-betting smoko, discussing betting ideas that will ultimately not be implemented when the betting actually takes place. The following 5 minutes include the selection of random horses with each of them allocated either a $20 or a $50 note.
So whatever type of punter you are, it’s fair to say the Cup brings us all together. So read the tea leaves, ask your oracle, study your formguide or take a good old fashion stab in the dark. Happy Punting!
Written by Nik Hatzi